so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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