You smell like stripper and shame
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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