he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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