In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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