why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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