Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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