I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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