my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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