Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
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