having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
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Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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