You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize