so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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