every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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