I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize