You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize