My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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