You're my little dorito
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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