im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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