somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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