in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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