When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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