I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was CRYING into my vagina
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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