I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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