all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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