Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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