he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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