he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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