my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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