I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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