The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize