My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize