I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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