oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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