you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
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Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He did a backflip because drugs
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