When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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