I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize