and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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