Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You almost got us killed.
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