Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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