I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize