So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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