When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize