guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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