I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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