I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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