Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
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I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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