When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize