Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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