I think I won the penis lottery.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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