A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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